Cili is Silly


I went back to Cili on Monday to hang out for a couple days.  It typically turned from a couple days to about five, but a few great things happened that make the trip well worth it.

So, although I had already bought my bus ticket, I had to go to the atm and reached the bus about 5-10 minutes before departure.  The workers panicked because there weren’t any more seats.  What this meant was that I had to sit in the seat right next to the driver…the one on the steps.  This seat was broken and things got awkward when I dropped my phone down the steps towards the end of the trip (the headphones came out and my song started playing out loud..it was on shuffle and just at that moment, a recording of Bianca singing Gavin Degraw came on…so yes, he could hear that).  The one upside of this seat was that it was a front row ticket to beautiful China….

View from the front

The first day, I arrived at about 7 and hung around the campus for a little while before dinner.  Some past students attacked me and commented on how fashion my new shoes are…they are pretty fashion if I might say so myself.  If being stared at in public doesn’t happen enough in small town China, throw on some silver moon shoes, and well..yeah.  A couple other girls were able to decipher the words on my obnoxious trucker hat (most people usually can’t).  “Women wish his love” – this discovery caused an outrage amongst the crew of twenty or so girls that were swarmed around me.

After dinner with some friends, most people went home, but Tank, a geography teacher, accompanied me to my street restaurant.  Unfortunately, my best friend, Huang Xing Guo, was at the bar, so we jumped back in our taxi and demanded that he take us down the street to the bar.

The bar is now called V8…like the juice.  It used to be Street Story Pub, an American-styled bar that played the world’s loudest music.  However, this new bar is more of a Chinese-style club…just miniaturized.  And well, walking in was extremely overwhelming.  There was a short man singing on the stage which was right near the entrance.  He was singing some Chinese song, of course, but he stopped when I walked in to chug an entire beer in about 2 seconds.  The first table was occupied by Fany, previously known as Sunshine, a friend of mine, and his friends.  The second table was where Huang Xing Guo and his friends were at, although HXG had apparently gone home because he was too drunk.

There was a lot of shouting, hugging, gaping at my shoes…normal things.  Then a beer was put in my hand and I was thrown onto the stage.  I was made to chug it in front of the club and then told to dance.  I refused at first and went behind the DJ booth to look at the English songs.  The DJ was very set on me dancing to “My Humps,” and well, nothing could ever top Craig’s dancing to that…so I refused.

I was then forced to leave and go all over the town:  street restaurant, a different bar (had a lady boy from Thailand but the bar was closed), and back to V8.  This time, I sang “Larger than Life” by Backstreet Boys and listened to “My Humps”- the gap-toothed DJ with blond highlights really, really wanted to play it.

People tried to pay for my hotel, but I just stayed in Fany’s guest bedroom.

The next day, I was almost kidnapped and taken into the countryside to eat dog.  I refused.  Then at the restaurant we did go to, someone insisted upon dog.  Once again, this was a no-go.

Since it’s 5 days long…I’m just going to have to give highlights:

A man kept screaming “Please, touch my card,” in an attempt at saying “Please, touch my cock,” to people at a different table.  Note: I did not teach him this.  My friend, Leo, heard it in a movie.

Someone put some food in my bowl, and in China, if someone does that, you basically have to eat it..  I asked what it was.  No one knew.  After eating, they asked the waiter and then they all laughed.  “Dog Penis,” they told me.  I wasn’t sure if this was true…it tasted like sea food.  And they then said they were joking, but I noticed that no one would eat it afterward (even when I put it in their bowls…double standard, anyone?) and they never explained what it really was.

I missed the last night of the ladyboy performing.  That was sad.

seriously, a ladyboy in cili

One day, Mr. Tian’s son would not look away from the computer screen, regardless of what we said or did to him.  I started putting random things on his head and taking pictures because 1 – I was  bored and 2 – I am immature.

mr. tian's son

first was the hood

then the red thing

the game he was playing

I went to KTV with random people I had just met at a street restaurant, all of whom did not speak English.  The guy paying vomited in the bathroom before we began singing.  I then sang “I Want Love” by Elton John–a sleeper pick, I think (it went over really well).

So, for the first time, I got one of those massages that I had always imagined….the kind where an Asian woman basically runs all over your back.  There were even poles on the ceiling to assist her acrobatic moves.  At some other times, she even put me in some wrestling holds.  It was painful and oddly satisfying.  Check out the bed (I was too big for it and it was basically just a sheet on a wooden block…not too comfortable).

note the poles on the ceiling

Huang Xing Guo called me one afternoon and said that I couldn’t go back to Changsha, and he was coming to get me.  This turned out to be a good decision since he picked me up and led me to his friend’s training school.  There we found his friends…a group of men in their mid-forties skipping around drunkenly and taking turns doing calligraphy on the ground.  They all kept repeating themselves, and behaving erratically (ex: bringing out a giant scroll of drawings and throwing it on the ground while screaming).  One man even had his arm give out that was supporting his weight while he drew.  This resulted in his forehead bashing off the ground.  Everyone then laughed at him.  They also made me write my signature…then stamped it with my fingerprint.

mr. tian doing calligraphy

Below is a video of some of the guys:

Wang Ming Fu, a tea shop owner and one of my best friends from last year, returned…this meant that I had to drink the vile baijiu.  And this also made HXG even drunker…check out this video of him trying to steal eggs.  At first, Linda pointed out to me that he was stealing eggs off the table and putting them in his pockets.  Then I started taking a video, and he thought that I was taking a picture…so he posed, holding the eggs.  Everyone then started yelling at me to only take one picture…but, it was a video.  He remains in one position for about 1 minute and 45 seconds.  You don’t have to watch the whole thing to get the idea…but you can, if you want.

Wang Ming Fu cut his finger on a bottle that he opened (with a bottle opener).  No one cared or seemed shocked.  They just told him to go across the street to the hospital and get it patched up..so he did.

I escaped in the morning and went straight back to Changsha…although Cili was fun, it’s an exhausting place to be for more than 10 hours….never mind 4 full days.

shengdi, brothers

proving that my phone actually takes pictures (even if shitty pics)

wc is an actual alcoholic

color wolf, huang xing guo, WC, and wang ming fu

Some random old lady chopping up some vegetables on the street:

grandma at work, chopping things

grandma taking a break

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2 thoughts on “Cili is Silly

  1. Laughed out loud while reading this post. I like “Cili is an exhausting place for 10 hours, let alone 4 days”. Thanks for the email and I hope all is well. Sure you have something amazing lined up for the New Year.

  2. I love seeing the pictures of you and your old friends and i actually know
    all of them! you seem to be having a great time tell them all i said hello and tell Jon i was asking for him also! love you and miss you mom

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